Monday, May 30, 2011

Hot air balloons and their effects on young Asian males

Since the dawn of time, man has been travelling the earth in hot air balloons. Before the wheel, there was the giant sack filled with gases. Before fire, there was the balloon fueled by fire. Before Capri Sun, there were idiots flying a giant fucking balloon. I have never heard of any of these idiots in hot air balloon accidents wearing parachutes? Have you? Jesus christ! The team here at Plastic Nothing have compiled a list of the most momentous hot air balloon accidents nobody cares about.
France, 1938...Belgian adventurer, Pierre Henri, crashed his spy balloon into the Eiffel Tower! He survived, but received a severe spanking from Hitler.
Earth, 1979. I saw this one happen. I was on my way to my favorite restaurant, "Pete's Sake". This balloon caught fire and crashed into my Dodge Aspen. My dog Gary was in there, luckily he got away with only losing his left tail. I sued the assholes flying that balloon, but they were South African nationals with diplomatic immunity.
This wasn't an accident, its what I imagine to be the only cool hot air balloon. I believe anything worth doing is worth doing badly...and tackily.

This was my wife's prototype for a new style hot air balloon. Our theory was we could sell advertising to homosexuals. Unfortunately, the local selectman wouldn't allow it the airspace.

Why were these two fat fucks in a balloon? They don't let these fools on planes anymore.
Finally. The greatest known hot air balloon tragedy of the ages. Scotland, 1990. Renegade Jehovah's Witnesses hijacked several hot air balloons and attacked Castle Destro. The final score...Balloons 0. Destro 8.


  1. I was hoping for that masterpiece to be shown.

  2. YES! The painting lives!! Man, I hope your Dodge Aspen made it out with a tail intact, too. Be a real tragedy to lose one of them from the road.