Monday, May 30, 2011

Hot air balloons and their effects on young Asian males

Since the dawn of time, man has been travelling the earth in hot air balloons. Before the wheel, there was the giant sack filled with gases. Before fire, there was the balloon fueled by fire. Before Capri Sun, there were idiots flying a giant fucking balloon. I have never heard of any of these idiots in hot air balloon accidents wearing parachutes? Have you? Jesus christ! The team here at Plastic Nothing have compiled a list of the most momentous hot air balloon accidents nobody cares about.
France, 1938...Belgian adventurer, Pierre Henri, crashed his spy balloon into the Eiffel Tower! He survived, but received a severe spanking from Hitler.
Earth, 1979. I saw this one happen. I was on my way to my favorite restaurant, "Pete's Sake". This balloon caught fire and crashed into my Dodge Aspen. My dog Gary was in there, luckily he got away with only losing his left tail. I sued the assholes flying that balloon, but they were South African nationals with diplomatic immunity.
This wasn't an accident, its what I imagine to be the only cool hot air balloon. I believe anything worth doing is worth doing badly...and tackily.

This was my wife's prototype for a new style hot air balloon. Our theory was we could sell advertising to homosexuals. Unfortunately, the local selectman wouldn't allow it the airspace.

Why were these two fat fucks in a balloon? They don't let these fools on planes anymore.
Finally. The greatest known hot air balloon tragedy of the ages. Scotland, 1990. Renegade Jehovah's Witnesses hijacked several hot air balloons and attacked Castle Destro. The final score...Balloons 0. Destro 8.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I stole this blog from a dead man!

Hey gents. Phil Larry Potter here. I haven't been around for a while because the Courts finally found my Airstream in the airport parking lot. I thought that would be the last place they'd look for me! I had a warrant out on me from an old prostitution charge. I disagreed with that judgment claiming men can't be hookers!
This is me at the airport. It was a good gig. People were always leaving half eaten things around the parking lot and my dog Zedhatch always brought me a little something.
While I was hiding out, I was trolling some toy sites where fat losers post pictures of their toy men. What happened to the days of posting photos of your fat girlfriend's boobs that look like sacks of pizza dough falling through your fingers? Anyway. One site, Joedios, is particularly bad. The administrator, Hammerfel
He/she runs a site full of pictures that look like they were taken by retarded obese cyclop Chinamen! This fool wanted to run a site with posts by sexually frustrated LARPing boy scouts and he succeeded.

This is a gem. My pal Jerry Reed was tapped on over the counter laxatives and Midouri, so I asked him for his honest assessments of the following shots. Of this one, he said, "Who's that standing out my window?"
As I said...he's high on the drugs. I then showed him this one...
I personally love when hillbillies photograph propaganda bits with toys..very powerful stuff. Here's what Jerry said..."I found a new friend underneath my pillow."
Jerry sees things the average feller can't, when he's looking at something! Here's more evidence that Joedios is also a haven for mongoloid soup kitchen finks...
This was taken by a pickle puffer named "Pooda", but it reeks of the celluloid poop of an illiterate failure named, Zed Hatch. I think its the same guy, only he seems to be able to spell shit. I showed it to Jerry. His response..."I heard a sound, I turned around. I turned around to find the thing that made the sound."

Look at this one! I really don't want to think about Lady Jaye taking a shit...unless its on top of a glasstop coffee table and Flint's watching from underneath.
This is awful...on every level. It looks more like Lady Jaye wants to get in there to give birth. Jerry liked it..."My dad and I like candy. One time we bought some candy."

I have to go now and do pee pees.